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But from time to time, whenever there is a significant breakthrough in the efficacy of space transport or something a bit like water is "found" on a rock in our solar system, futurologists come out saying that by 2050 it will be possible to holiday in space.

And Richard Branson pipes up saying he will sort the transport, and Leonardo di Caprio and Tom Hanks immediately put their names down for first-class seats and a suite with a view of, er, whatever there is to see up there. Just because a place unfit for humans can be made habitable does not mean that living there would be nice. Sure, you could recreate your own domestic living conditions in a giant, closed, airless community, but where would the joy be in that?

But the sun shone, the pool was warm, the birds sang, the air smelt of cloves and cinnamon, the beach went on for miles and the "kids' club" had a giant bucket of mostly headless My Little Ponies which she played with in the sand for 14 hours a day. We went last time because she was still at nursery and I could hoik her out during term time when flights are cheap and get us there on air miles (though not all four of us, which is why the wife and baby stayed home). Sure, the whole city-state is a soulless gimmick thrown up in the desert overnight by slaves in the pay of the ruling elite which offers barely a nod to democracy and has no indigenous culture or natural beauty. And besides, a friend of mine who lived there around the turn of the century swears he used to lie on the beach and look up at the builders on the skeleton of the nascent Burj Al Arab hotel until he saw one fall to his death, and then go back to his book. At home, she gets a bowl of Cheerios and a glass of water. And while she gorged herself I tucked into a caviar omelette, assorted spring greens, great coffee, glass of Bolly, fresh tropical fruit and a plate of sushi.

Now, though, she is at big school and they won't let her out except at half-term, which is when everyone wants to be away and you can't get an air miles flight anywhere in the world where the sun is out and the temperature is above 25°C. Because this is Dubai, and there are no seasons and there is no local produce, and since everything has to be flown in, everything flown in. It is a place predicated on the notion that a fat little prince in a gold turban (or Kendall Jenner or Selena Gomez or Gigi Hadid or Claudia Schiffer or Roger Federer — Dubai regulars all) should be able to clap their hands once and receive… So I sat and consumed, thoughtlessly, like a lotus-eater. Not a whiff of smoke or spice or vegetation, none of the flavours that greet you by the dozen, on the air, when you land in Africa, Asia or South America.

The law enforcement and even the government in Dubai turns a blind eye to about 30,000 imported sex workers for keeping the expats, tourists and nationals happy and keep business flourishing in Dubai.

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Prostitution in the United Arab Emirates is illegal, but attracts many foreign businessmen as the UAE is slowly gaining a reputation as one of the Middle East's sex tourism destinations.

Many of them arrive regularly from the post-Soviet states, Eastern Europe, Far East, Africa, South Asia, and other states of the Middle East.

WATCH: Mariah Carey Reflects on Disastrous New Year's Eve Performance: 'I Blame Everybody' On Tuesday the Elusive Chanteuse touched down in Dubai with her boy toy Bryan Tanaka.

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